I know you’ve gotten to know a bit about me through other social media outlets but I wanted to make a post more in depth of who I am and what’s my story. So here goes…
My name is Adriana Gomez, I was born and raised in Florida and have lived here all my life. I’m 23 years old. I work at a company administering pensions and I’m going to college, majoring in business.
I wouldn’t consider my life anything out of the ordinary however I do believe a lot of whats happened to me in my life has shaped the person I am today. I was born in ’92 to my amazing mother; My mom and dad decided to split before I was born so he wasn’t a big part of my childhood.
My mom had me at a very young age (18 years old) she was a baby having a baby. I spent a lot of time going back and forth between my grandmother’s house from my mom’s side and my grandma from my dad’s side it was really hard for me to understand this growing up. As a child I remember being bullied for my weight, my clothes and so forth. Growing up is such a trying period in everyone’s lives, you’re trying to find yourself and you just feel uncomfortable and awkward and everyone else is trying to do the same.
As I grew older more problems started to arise as a result of my childhood. I felt misunderstood and unloved (although I was loved so much) I found myself looking for love in all the wrong places and being manipulated by anyone that gave me the time of day. The bullying never stops it just morphs into another form. In High School I remember feeling like a loser because everyone was having sex and I was still a virgin my freshman year having no knowledge of sex, my body or myself I tried to find solace in boys.
It was an empty feeling, giving yourself to someone who in return gave you nothing. You can say I had major daddy issues but fortunately this story doesn’t have a sad ending.
During my high school year I was almost finished and getting ready to graduate and just like that my life was changed forever, I was in a fatal car accident that almost resulted in death.
I spent the first two weeks or so in the hospital in a coma induced sedation where I was pumped with all kinds of drugs to manage my pain and help me sleep. The drugs caused me to hallucinate, those two weeks I spent induced were a nightmare. My perception of things were completely skewed and I saw nothing but scary images and felt like everyone in the hospital was out to hurt me.
When I finally awoke from this induced coma I was confused and had no idea what had happened to me. I looked around to become familiar with my surroundings and realized that there are multiple tubes in me, and my neck is being held up by a neck brace. I mouth to my mother “What happened to me?” but the words wont come out there’s just silence, she looks up at me and finally realizes that I’m awake and begins to explain to me that I was in a car accident two weeks ago and I had been under heavy sedation and multiple surgeries since then. Realizing why I couldn’t speak, I had a tracheostomy tube inside of my throat (a tube served as an airway to allow a person to breathe without using the nose or mouth). My mom and the doctor both explained to me that I had broken both my clavicles, had two fractured vertebra on my neck, I had three fractures in my pelvis, two in my leg, 9 fractures to my ribs, a punctured lung and a tear in my aorta. It was a miracle I was alive.
The rehabilitation was difficult for me. I felt weak and hopeless, I thought I would never get better or ever walk again. I slowly began to regain strength. I went from not being able to get out of bed to slowly getting out of bed and sitting on the chair next to my bed to finally walking out of the hallway.
After spending 2-3 months in hospitals it was finally time for me to go home. I was healed and healthy and thrown back into the real world to figure myself out. I decided to continue my schooling and get my GED to continue pursuing college. I found a job working at a preschool, I loved it at first. The children were amazing and taught me so much about the world and myself for that I am extremely grateful. I found myself feeling unhappy and miserable and beginning to fall into my old patterns. I started to go out and get belligerent drunk with my friends and just engage in a lot of questionable things. I felt that empty feeling again. I managed to be in two more car accidents after that, I guess third time is the charm… I lost my car and had to face the music that my life was NOT where I wanted to be and the only one that was going to save me was myself!
I was miserable, I had no self-love, no car, a shit job and a horrible mindset. I decided to make a plan for myself to change the state I was in, there was no way in hell I was going to allow anything to defeat me in this lifetime if a car accident couldn’t even kill me.
I quit my job at the preschool and found a job working at another corporation making over $7 more than my previous job. I’ve learned a lot from working at this company, I’ve had to get out of my comfort zone and engage with participants and coworkers and be more outspoken and demand right from wrong. I’ve learned a lot about myself throughout the course of my time being there as well.
I released a lot of the demons I was carrying with me for so long. Friendships that ended for silly reasons (some partly my fault), breaking hearts and having my heart-broken, hurting others, and so much more. I want to take this time as well to extend a HUGE apology to ANYONE I have ever hurt along the way. Please know that nothing I ever did was a result of anything you did but a result of my own inner suffering. I whole heartedly hope you can put everything aside yourself and forgive me as well.
I freed myself from a lot, I finally found love with Alfredo. I’m extremely blessed and fortunate to have met someone who loves me unconditionally despite the person I was. Alfredo has taught me so much about myself in the short amount of time that we’ve been together and I am so extremely grateful and enamored with him. His unconditional love for me awoke me and made me realize all my self-worth. All those years of trying to find love in others when I had it within me all along. I also made amends with my father this year and told him how hard it was for me growing up without him but that I understood we are all humans and I cannot blame anyone on this journey in life because we are all learning lessons throughout our lives.
Here I am today and I find myself feeling that empty feeling again at work,I feel like it’s time for me to get out of there and really pursue the life I want to live. We’ve decided to make mountains move to pursue this dream and we are working at it everyday to make sure that nothing gets in our way. We’re saving money to invest into something that will continue to grow us money so we can live our dreams of traveling and helping others.
I apologize for such a long read, I hope I didn’t confuse anyone with my scattered thoughts. I also hope none of you find this post offensive, I hope that whomever is reading this it resonates with you as well. If any of you ever need someone to talk to because you feel a lot like I did please don’t hesitate to reach out to me!